In his first book, “Making Work Work” (Sterling Ethos), author and public speaker Shola Richards writes about what he says is one of the most harmful yet ingrained phrases in business: “The customer is always right.”
“That’s such a dangerous philosophy to run your business on,” Richards says, because it can easily lead to a toxic relationship between the business owner and their customer. “Of course you [as a business owner] have to deal with anger, with frustration, with missed expectations. But abuse is never a thing [you have to deal with].”
In Richards’ newest book, “Civil Unity: The Radical Path to Transform Our Discourse, Our Lives, and Our World” (Forbes Books), he writes about the responsibility all individuals have to eradicate the negativity pervasive not only in business today, but in general interactions. Part of that process involves being mindful and deliberate with customers and setting boundaries around tolerable treatment. It can be difficult for photographers, who are typically small business owners, to think in terms of what they won’t do, but, Richards says, it’s actually a “simple red line. If [treatment from a customer] crosses into abuse, it’s time to go.”
DEMANDING VERSUS TOXIC
Richards, who will deliver the keynote address at Imaging USA on Feb. 2, 2025, offers clear steps for identifying abusive situations and how crucial it is to extricate yourself from them. For example, you may be able to handle a demanding client with high standards that make you feel like you’re having to jump through hoops. Someone toxic, however, takes the demands to another level, explains Richards. “They are mean, they’re insulting and cruel, and they make [your interactions] not about the business, the photography, but about you personally and your worth as a human being.”
Cut those clients loose, Richards advises. “There have to be boundaries,” he stresses. “I don’t care what type of business you’re in.”
For those “difficult” clients who never seem to be satisfied, ask clarifying questions and find common ground. You can use language like, “Tell me more about what you’re looking for,” “What I’m hearing is …,” and “I want to make sure I’m hearing you correctly.” And don’t take their feedback personally, he says.
“If you are taking everything personally and you’re getting to the point where you’re wounded by feedback, you’re not going to be able to get yourself to the next level of business excellence, where you are dealing with people who are challenging,” Richards says.
“We are more distrustful than we’ve ever been. If you’re able to be trusting, and I feel trusting of you, I’m willing to work with you.”
Shola Richards
SETTING BOUNDARIES
Like other entrepreneurs, photographers may be reluctant to let clients go for fear of losing money or damaging their business. But, Richards says, don’t be afraid to let them go; there’s a larger cost—to your mental and possibly even physical health.
“You might say, ‘If this person walks away, how am I going to feed my family?’ Well, there are other people coming around,” he says. “At what risk are you going to continue to put yourself at this abuse and pain?”
Photographers and other customer-service-oriented business owners have to be attuned to their client’s potential anxiety and recognize that they may act out before they fully trust you, Richards says. “We are more distrustful than we’ve ever been,” he says. “If you’re able to be trusting, and I feel trusting of you, I’m willing to work with you.”
In “Civil Unity,” Richards lays the groundwork for how people can both improve their communication around difficult topics and create their own rules around respectful interactions. For example, if a client or other individual you do business with is always late, bring it to their attention. Explain that if they do not arrive within 15 minutes of the scheduled meeting time and do not give notice, you will leave. “That’s setting a boundary,” Richards explains, as that behavior is “not necessarily toxic or rude or abusive, but it can also be really detrimental to your business.”
You are giving the person the benefit of the doubt while also sticking to what you need, Richards says. “You have to give them the awareness [of their disrespectful behavior] and when they choose to ignore the kind awareness you gave them,” he adds, “now you have a totally different conversation to deal with.”
That awareness is the first line of defense against uncivility, personally and professionally. Richards asks people to pause and think about their goals and how a negative comment or action could derail them. “I want people to think, ‘How do my words and actions impact others?’”
Melanie Lasoff Levs is director of publications.
